Jonah and the Whale

farmer

A cocky U.S. Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a
farm and talked with an old farmer.

He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field right over
yonder."

The Agriculture representative said, "Mister, I have the authority
of the United States Government with me. See this card? The card means I am
allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked
or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand!"

The farmer nodded politely and went about his farm chores. Later,
the farmer heard loud screams and saw the Agriculture Rep running for the
fence and close behind was the farmer's huge-horned prize bull. The bull was
gaining on the Agriculture Rep with every step.

The Rep was clearly terrified, so farmer immediately threw down his
tools, ran to the fence and shouted out..... "Your card! Your card! Show him
your card!"

jimtoo said:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that "Jonah was swallowed by a whale."
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically i mpossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to ****?"
The little girl replied, "Then you can ask him".

Click to expand...

This reminds me, true story, of a co-worker of mine. Her little girl, probably 4 or 5 at the time, wanted to know the difference between Heaven and ****.
The mother told her Heaven is where you go if you're really really good.
**** is where you go if you are really really bad.
Long pause, the little girl got tearful and looked up at her mommy and said..
"Mommy...I'm gonna miss you".
No lie, true story.