Man vs. Woman

jpmorgan37

Well-known member
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet
, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."



UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


CREATION


A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you
!



The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always arough draft before the masterpiece .




 

jpmorgan37

Well-known member
Rose and Irving

While on a road trip, Irving and Rose stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their ride. But Rose had unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and to compound the problem she didn't notice that they were missing until they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

"Rose," Irving complained once they were able to start retracing their steps, "I can't believe you forgot those stupid glasses." Rose just sat there silently.

"Rose," Irving said, "to have to waste all this time doing this extra driving is ridiculous." Rose continued to sit in the passenger seat, not saying anything.

"Rose," Irving complained, "this is the last time I'm ever gonna turn around and go back for something like this." Rose still just sat there, not saying anything.

They finally arrived at the restaurant. Rose got out of the car and walked towards the front door. Irving rolled down the window. "Hey, Rose," he called out.

Rose turned around. "What is it?" she asked.

"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and my credit card."
 

jpmorgan37

Well-known member
Understanding Football

A guy took his Blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!'
 
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