Jim,
I agree with a lot of what you said - actually, most of it. I would only caveat a little bit. Each person should use what they are comfortable and TRAINED with. My wife, although not intimidated by firearms and fairly comfortable with them, carries pepper spray. She would not be as hesitant to use non-lethal force to protect herself. On the other hand, I am well trained, retired Army, had multiple advanced tactical and defensive shooting courses. When I owned my firearms store outside of a military installation, a lot of HOOAH soldiers would come in to buy a weapon their spouse and want the biggest gun in the store. Most of them would shake like a leaf just holding a gun, let alone fire it. Many times, smaller or less lethal is better. As I mentioned earlier, I agree with the shotgun route in a 5er, or even a house. People that say they want an AR for home defense, in my opinion, are dangerous because they don't understand possible second and third order effects, especially if the intended target is missed. High velocity rounds go through thin walls.
I think it is easy for people that aren't trained to get in over their head quickly. At the same time, I would not presume to tell someone what is best for their individual situation. I know for me, I am well trained, have a fairly impressive arsenal, and for the scenario we're talking about I have a shotgun handy and a Judge pistol that shoots 410 rounds. But someone else's mileage may vary.